I am yet to write a post about the pastoral island I will be calling home this summer. I haven’t fully moved there yet so until then I decided to park it. (Besides what is a travel post without beautiful photos, right?)
Instead I want to write about a setback I experienced last week… Actually not sure if it is appropriate to call it a setback since it was an entirely new experience for me.
I had a nervous break down.
I have been on such a good streak of being in a calm state of mind. Habit building and creative projects really helped me with having inner peace. I had a positive outlook and I was feeling ready to tackle the world. That said all that warm and fuzzy feelings need a nurturing environment to flourish in and that’s what I don’t have. On top of lacking inspiring people around me, I am exposed to constant negativity, criticism and stress from my family. It is a major roadblock to overcome.
Since I am back in the family business, there is no avoiding the drama and my tolerance has been wearing thin. So I snapped.
First anger started bubbling up. Nothing new here as it happens to me often with family but usually I am able to calm myself down.
This time I couldn’t.
So it took over. I became a different person: yelling at my dad, uncontrollably shaking, kicking things, throwing things. It felt like a dark cloud has covered my heart. The feeling lasted about three days. It was helplessness.
I don’t want to experience it again. Ever.
It is a setback but it also cemented my desire to improve myself.
The most important ingredient of success IS being surrounded by inspiring and encouraging people.
This is the demon I have to face from my childhood: Seeing a world of possibilities and being excited about life only to be held back by my own father.
Negativity is the kryptonite of happiness.
At this point in life, it almost seems necessary to cut ties with anyone bringing you down for your own good but when the haters in your life are family then what do you do?
Is there a way to block the negativity and still work toward a meaningful and unconventional life? Can I make the most out of a beautiful, inspiring location while dealing with the most negative person I know?
This is my challenge for the summer.